saw some pictures uploaded by a friend in facebook.. it's about their prize giving ceremony in birmingham.. i felt so down out of sudden when i first looked at their pictures.. why one of them not me.. i know i can stand in there with them.. i know my capability.. i just don't feel like pushing myself to the limit most of the time.. i've lost my motivation that drives me to achieve something really big in academic..
sometimes i feel what i have done or achieved is good enough.. i used to tell friends not to pressure themselves in studies.. telling them i've been through the worst condition.. i did well in pmr, spm.. bad in a-level.. good in year1, bad in year2, ok in final year.. and now i am still survived doing master in science in university of nottingham.. thinking back, i should not be getting just 2.2 in my degree.. i supposed to get at least 2.1 or 1st class.. i know i could but i just didn't put much effort in it..
i remember what deki lai told me before he left uk.. the night after we came back from halloween party.. (it doesn't sound right deki lai was talking something serious to me at that time) he said, 'SL, do well in your msc.. you got only 2.2 in your degree, aren't you?' mate, i remember that.. i think i promised you to do my best in msc as well..
i've been in nottingham for more than 2 months.. supposedly i have well known this hometown of robin hood.. but i went back to birmingham almost very weekend.. i even go back to birmingham three times a week.. that happened just a week ago.. i have few tennis partners here.. some old friends.. and most of the time i am solo in the class.. that's the sad part..
as the only son in the family.. son of the eldest son in the family.. u can never imagine the pressure behind especially you have quite a few uncles and aunties that graduated from some top universities.. they never put pressure on you.. but you utterly feel that.. when you are the favourite grandson and your grandfather is one of the most respectful persons in the big family..
you get what you wanted in life.. pocket money, tuition fees, travel cost, sports equipment, gadgets(i got myself a macbook air recenty :) ).. most of the time as long as it's related to finance and it's affordable and reasonable to get one.. you get it.. what the family wanted back from you is graduated from the university, with good results if possible..
hou guai sei emo arrhhhh... don't want to think of those things for now.. gonna blast dynamite by taio cruz..